My Boss Has Started Kicking Me in the Testicles

My boss is blind and always kicks me in the testicles. She doesn’t mean to do this—so it’s hard to hold it against her.

When I try to tell coworkers about this, they say, “it was probably an accident” or “you’re being sensitive.”

I’m not sensitive. My testicles are sensitive.

Mr. Pluck thinks it’s a ruse.

“She’s not blind. She just likes kicking people in the dick,” he says.

If that’s the case, she wastes a lot of money turning my reports into braille just to come into my office, show them to me, kick me in the testicles, and leave.

She did it today. She came in, asked, “Would you close the window?”

I did. When I turned back, she kicked me in the testicles. Hard. It was a solid shot. It hurt, and I was too distracted by the pain to understand what she was saying as she brushed her hand back and forth over my numbers from last quarter.

When she finished, she asked, “Understand?”

I nodded.

“Good,” she said.

Then I helped her to the door.


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